Warhol, Udo, Vampires, Teddy, A Couple of Teens, and Me

A bit of fun, and art, and wonderful teenagers.

Vampire Maman

I was at an Andy Warhol exhibit today and saw a Polaroid photo of a Vampire. Well, a guy dressed like a Vampire. You know what I mean.

From there I had to explain to the teenagers I was with all about Warhol’s Blood for Dracula and the handsome as can be Udo Kier. Lots of blood in that one. Lots and lots of blood.

Udo is beautiful isn’t he.

Frankenstein was great too. Wow. It has been years since I’ve seen his movies.

We went into a room called “The Factory,” where a lot of hipsters and yuppies were all playing around with colored pencils and cute stencils.

I drew something. The teenagers laughed out loud. And I left it there.

Later my husband said, “Jesus, Juliette, somebody is going to see that and be traumatized for life.” Maybe.

I looked at my darling husband Teddy and said, “My favorite…

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Parenting Choices: Allowing your children to have their dreams

Vampire Maman

Strange but true: I trust my children. I raised them that way.

It all goes by so fast… way too fast. That is the hardest thing about being a parent.

When I’m asked where my children go to college, or plan to go to college I expect to get a good response, but half of the time I get negative responses. Now, they’re not going to Monster University or Ghoul Tech. The schools in question are part of the well respected University of California system. Yes, schools like UCLA, UCD, UCSB, UCSC, and of course UC Berkeley. Those schools aren’t scary. Those schools are FANTASTIC.

The comments I get are always about the school being a party school, or a drug school, or a crazy radical school, or a stoner school, or a hairy armpit school. You know, I’ve heard it all. The reality of the situation is that unless…

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March Reading List – Great New Fiction

Vampire Maman

Morning at the Vineyard
is FREE for the next few days (until Tuesday.)

Pass it on. Share with your friends. Leave a nice review.

A collection of stories from Vampire Maman: A Vampire hung-over wakes up in the house of serial killers; poetry from a teenage girl brings a Greek god to his knees; elderly vampires, lost loves, a lunch date with zombies and opera singers, and modern vampire family life, fill the pages of this volume with humor, romance, adventure, parenting in this collection of unique tangled tales.
Juliette Kings is a highly innovative and insightful writer with a gift for creating a fantasy world within a “real” world context.

 

 

New!
Exceptional Liars by Marla Todd

Alex Goldstein has a thriving law practice with his wife Tasha Alexander. Life is is good. Well, except for the fact that he drinks too much, and his wife regularly cheats…

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flushed

Powerful powerful words.

Exceptional Liars

What are you reading next? Check out this new novel from Marla Todd – Exceptional Liars.

Alex Goldstein has a thriving law practice with his wife Tasha Alexander. Life is is good. Well, except for the fact that he drinks too much, and his wife regularly cheats on him. To keep his mind off of his problems Alex writes about by serial killers. His most recent obsession is The Killer of Virtue.

Liz Hobbs is born into a large family of sneaky manipulative children with an unhealthy fear of God only ranks second to the fear of their narcissistic parents. After the murder of her brother and only ally Steve, then the loss of a college scholarship for bad behavior, Liz falls in love. Unfortunately that includes falling into an abusive marriage with relationship counselor Greg Atkinson.

Liz decides to end it all and jumps from a bridge, only to find herself in the bed of her friend Darren Crawford. He isn’t just a friend; he is The Killer of Virtue. Fortunately for Liz, Darren drops dead of natural causes. Now with everyone thinking she is dead, Liz pulls a Huck Finn and runs.

After misreading the phone number of a women’s shelter Liz ends up in office of Alexander and Goldstein. Alex helps her build a new life as his own life falls apart.

Now available on Amazon.

Clipped Coupons and Clipped Hearts (Living With Elderly Vampires)

Vampire Maman

Last night it was pouring rain when I got the call.

A whispering voice, like silk against silk said, “come quick, come quick.”

I didn’t ask why because I wouldn’t have received an answer. I called my brother Val and Grandmama Lola. Neither one of them picked up.

The call could have been for anything. It could have been a death or it could have been missing car keys. Either way when Tellias calls me in that tone of voice I have to go, because that is what you do when the elderly folks in your life call in obvious distress. I’ve had too many of those calls to take anything lightly.

All three of us, husband Teddy, teenage Clara, and myself got into the car and prepared for a long night. As I got behind the wheel I told my husband and child that I did not want to…

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Short Story Sunday: The Rally

Vampire Maman

Andy stood in the dark on his back patio looking at the night sky.  He sang softly to himself, barely audible.

L’amour est un oiseau rebelle
Que nul ne peut apprivoiser,
Et c’est bien in vain qu’on l’appelle
S’il lui convient de refuser.
Rien n’y fait, menace ou prière.
L’un parle bien, l’autre se tait.
Et c’est l’autre que je préfère.
Il n’a rien dit mais il me plait.

Turning around he found his brother Max standing by the French doors that lead to the patio. Andy in his jeans and white dress shirt was in stark contrast to Max’s all black, mostly leather ensemble.

Max smiled. “I’m still in awe of the beauty of your voice baby brother.”

Andy gave Max a bro hug. “Thanks. You worked tonight?”

“I’m keeping the world safe for Vampires everywhere.”

“And you’re greatly appreciated by all of us.”

Max was a hunter of…

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Ask Juliette – Woodchucking, An Itchy Witch Situation, and Getting Published

Advice for Everyone: Woodchucks, Witch Itch, Disneyland Dad, and getting your book published.

Vampire Maman

Ask Juliette (Ask A Vampire – Advice for Everyone) is a regular Thursday feature on Vampire Maman.

This week: Woodchucking, An Itchy Witch Situation, Getting Published, and Dealing with a Disneyland Dad. I’m not sure I have the answer you want but I have the answer you’ll get today.

Dear Juliette,

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

~ Tongue Tied

Dear Tongue Tied,

Really? Woodchucks?

If a woodchuck could chuck wood it wouldn’t be much. They have little bitty arms and can’t throw logs like some great big Vampire guy could. I’d say after a hefty pile of kindling, say about a twenty-five gallon drum full the poor little critter would be exhausted for a week.

~ Juliette

Look at those tiny little woodchuck arms.

Dear Juliette,

How do I get my book published? Should I go with an agent or publish it myself?

~…

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Feed Your Readers: Favorite Foodblogging Advice

Good article for all bloggers. I love food blogs.

The Daily Post

Looking for more compelling food reads? Along with Afroculinaria, we also profiledBanal Muffins and added some great food-focused editors’ picks on Discover last month — and look out for tomorrow’s interview with David Lebovitz!

We have a seemingly inexhaustible appetite for reading about and looking at pictures of food, from the clichéd but ever-popular Instagram of our last cappuccino to the wealth of beautiful recipe blogs to the longform analyses of food culture on sites like Afroculinaria. It’s no surprise: we all have to eat multiple times a day!

Thinking about venturing into the world of food blogging? Here are some of our favorite tidbits of advice for creating a crave-worthy blog.

Cashew cream raw chocolate cheesecake from Food Loves Writing.

Find your food focus

A compulsively readable food blog needs more than just great recipes or photos — it needs a point of view:

[Even] if you don’t…

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