March 2013 – West Coast Review

Yes, an original sappy article on West Coast Review….

Love at First Sight – 20 Years Later

20 years ago (sometime in the past month or two) I want walking on the river with my ex-live-in-boyfriend. He was sweet that day, and mature and handsome. So good looking that he was often stopped and asked if he was a certain Hollywood leading man (we live in California so leading men are in town from time to time and a few even live not too far away).

He asked me if, after 18 months after I moved out, if I’d consider getting back together with him. It was very sweet. BUT….

I told him I’d been seeing someone for a few months and I really liked him. I thought he might be “the one” and I wanted to be with him – the new guy.

20 years and almost 17 years married and a teenage daughter later…I’m still with the new guy.

I was right; he was “the one”.

I knew he was the one because it was love at first sight. I’ll write that down again LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. Yes, it happens. It is real.

We’ve been through a lot over the past 20 years, good and bad, but it keeps getting better.

I met him through a friend who’d (before I met him) described my husband as “An asshole with a big nose”. Now my daughter says, “Dad rocks the big nose.”

He walked into the room and I knew. I just knew. Instant attraction. He was cute with a smile and moved like he owned the world. We started to talk – for hours. He was 31. I was 34. It was like we’d known each other for years.

And now we HAVE known each other for years.

This is why I love him:

I knew he’d make a great dad. He said he wanted to be a great dad. I also knew that he would be a partner in parenting – not leave it all up to me or see me as a rival for a child’s attention. He never had a father so he was bound and determined to be a good dad.

He is a flirt. I mean this in the best way. When he walks into a room he can make every single woman in the room feel beautiful and special. I mean every woman – ugly, beautiful, young, old, low self esteem. It is a joy to see.

He irons and does laundry. Really. He irons MY SHIRTS.

He cleans.
He cooks like an Iron Chef. Really. And he cleans it up.

He fixes things…cars, furniture, stuff around the house, jewelry, anything.

He is usually the straight man in the relationship but that’s ok.

He is such a guy. He isn’t one of those sensitive guys that wants to listen to Kenny-G (no offense to Kenny-G fans) and sit in the tub for hours until we’re prunes. He is a romantic but in way that isn’t trivial or trite.

He puts up with all of my weirdness. Aside from this blog I write a Vampire Mommy blog (he never reads my writing but thinks it is good but still thinks it is weird). I have some odd friends. I make nonstop puns and jokes. I break everything and spill everything. I forget things. My glasses are always dirty. I’m a mess. And he loves me through it all.

He thinks I’m a good mom.

He likes a family dinner every night – not so I have to cook after a long day at work (which I let him do as much as possible) but so we can talk, as a family. We talk about everything, school, work, friends, science, art, history, the turkeys that walk down the street…everything.

Which leads me to say that he talks. We communicate. He makes and effort and it pays off.

He has always been there for me through every crisis with my family.

He loved my dad. He said my father was the dad he never had. That means a lot.

He is interested in EVERYTHNG! Cars, art, antiques, fishing, books, sports, electronics, travel, nature, space, education – everything.

He takes parenting seriously.

He always puts our daughter and me first. We are his family. We’re not the family he was born into – we’re the family he picked.

And that is the short list. Did I mention he irons? Did I mention how cute he is? Did I mention how good he looks all dressed up in a suit?

I found out two days ago that he is in remission. Yes, the big C came to our house. And he told it HELL no. Thanks to early screening and aggressive treatment and good doctors.

Another big thing: I found his family. He didn’t know who is father was. I searched for 6 years and found not so dear old dad, but I also found a wonderful, fantastic, amazing family INCLUDING an older sister he never even knew about. He was 40 years old.

Now at age 50, and 20 years together, he is always holding my hand, sitting close, stealing a kiss, telling me he loves me and being there for me always. And in turn, I am there for him.